what momma writes

 I kept hearing the voice inside me. "I just need to be held." "I just need to feel held." An inner calling.  The tears and fears and tears of late. Kept falling. Kept coming. The veils of all different directions were continually lifting. Like it or not, here we come, they say. And from saying yes to that inner calling, an experience of 11 years re-opened. By choice. I just want to feel and be held, said my body. Again and again. Tears floweth.  The repressed grief of what was- Even after healing work, sharing socially acceptable pieces, even after the mystical birth of my youngest... the untapped and unprocessed energetics were there, still.  Stored within.  Stuck and stale. Mostly unknown, but as awareness rises they become attention seeking. "Hear me. See me. Feel me. Heal me." Admittedly I am far away from newborns and babies. Those early days I still sometimes wish for a do-over.  But now, gleaning the lessons within the journey. The steps, the stumb

Honestly, "it" was always on my radar. Ever have that feeling of interest or yearn and you don't really know why? I am notorious for going outside the box so it wouldn't be all that shocking for us to choose to homeschool in 2015. In time of reflection I think back on when Stella was under two. I sat down with a group of interested homeschoolers for a Q and A, but it was still an anomaly then and most definitely not popular or always understood. And still true in some areas today, but growing fast. Not a shock though, I never felt like I could do it. I never felt strong enough in my abilities or knowledge to school my own kids and I don't think John had very much interest. Looking back I would certainly want that support, but thing is it would have gone just fine in the sense that it would be all we ever knew. No regrets though. Our school path has led me to some incredible friendships and pushpins of growth opportunities that would not have presented themselves