a reclamation

 I kept hearing the voice inside me.

"I just need to be held."
"I just need to feel held."
An inner calling. 

The tears and fears and tears of late.
Kept falling.
Kept coming.
The veils of all different directions were continually lifting.
Like it or not, here we come, they say.

And from saying yes to that inner calling, an experience of 11 years re-opened. By choice.
I just want to feel and be held, said my body.
Again and again. Tears floweth. 

The repressed grief of what was-

Even after healing work, sharing socially acceptable pieces, even after the mystical birth of my youngest... the untapped and unprocessed energetics were there, still. 
Stored within. 
Stuck and stale.
Mostly unknown, but as awareness rises they become attention seeking.
"Hear me. See me. Feel me. Heal me."

Admittedly
I am far away from newborns and babies.
Those early days I still sometimes wish for a do-over. 
But now, gleaning the lessons within the journey.
The steps, the stumbles, triumphant joys and the revelations.

Avid believer in the "it's never too late"
I shared what felt old and what felt off
from that day(s) almost Eleven years ago.
It's the safe container that held me. 
And even if there's residual leftovers-
My body knew what it needed.
And I promise to express not repress.

I am grateful for release. 
I am grateful for rebirth.
I am grateful for reclamation.
I am grateful.

Let's begin.