what momma writes

i don't let my worries or woes of the future rent much space in my head anymore (or at least recently). it's a nice feeling, but i would be lying if i said i didn't think about what's in store for my dear gal and growing up in a world that is overstimulated with social media and technology coupled with the underlying pressures of society's idea of what it means to be female. with that, i'll write to my daughter's future. ... my stella, it is always my utmost goal to keep you happy, healthy and safe. as you get older, i realize this will become more challenging. you are already such a sponge. you will grow into your own and your curiosity will lead you to make more and more decisions on your own. it's my hope that your daddy and i can instill a sense of confidence and creativity in you and perhaps it will deter your curiosity to experiment with every parents worries. it's amazing how after having you, i am more cognizant and critical of the

my dear little birdski, you are such a joy. really, you are! happy little gal- we are so blessed. stella, you are growing up so quickly. i'm still not sad about it yet, but i do see the challenges ahead as you become more and more independent and aware. when i talked to the doctor at your annual check i said you had 2-5 words and this time around i said, with ease, 20+ ... i'm having a hard time keeping track of your words now because you want to attempt everything people say. your newbies include: judy, please, baby, berry, up, down, music, yes, bellie, open, apple (ple), jeff, debbie, minnie, mamaw, bath, leg, shoe, broom ... (some of these might be repeats, but i can't remember). dr D told dadda and me to stop using certain 4 LETTER words as they will soon come back to haunt us. i guess that is for our own good anyhow.  though you can talk a lot communication can still be somewhat frustrating. you know what you want and most the time i am able to decipher it,

i don't believe in the typical judgement day of the all knowing looking down from "his" cloud and your life flashing before your eyes and sending you "up" or "down" - i do believe that there is some relevance to judgement day when we reflect back on our life after we've passed and prepare for the next journey. i'd like to improve my judging in order to grow and be more accepting of myself and other people. i'm trying to take a step back when i realize this fault and admit i am judging. perhaps this will help me evaluate why i feel the urge to be a judge-er. it's part of our humanness, but heck, i'd like to improve. lately when i am judging someone i admit i judge. i know people judge me. at least when i say out loud (or type out loud) that i am judging i feel better. i don't know if it actually does make it any better except in the case that there is no denial. there is no rationalization because i am admitting i am

sometimes i receive grief for being "skinny" post baby. i should probably spend more time reminding people that  i have worked hard to lose my baby weight,  with a lot of help from breastfeeding calorie burning.   it certainly makes it easier to lose weight burning an extra 500 cals a day...  the first day dr B gave the green lite to exercise i jogged around the neighborhood - slowly. but i did it. and please recall this post early on... i've been down to my pre pregnancy weight when bird reached 5.5 months. i even went below pre pregs around 10-11 months post partum.  tell me why in the world this equation doesn't add up? regardless of what weight you get down to, the body has changed post pregnancy/birth. Pre Pregs lbs = Pre Pregs clothes. seems like there is a glitch in the system, but there's not.  i talked with friends and family members about this glitch and it seems to be universal. that is the simple truth.  i'm thrilled to