what momma writes

Oh my stars, Stella, you are FOUR! I remember the day you were born and not having any idea what I was doing.  Thank God I figured it out and you made it this far... I love watching you grow every year and I love being your mommy. Even when we butt heads I'm glad I'm your mommy. You started school officially a few short months ago and you love it! It didn't take long for you to get into a routine as this being the new norm. It's been good for both of us. Even though 3 hours flies by it's nice for you to mind someone else (um, well hopefully) and for me to, well, do anything I can possibly do with 1 kid verses 2. I've seen positive changes in you since being in school; putting things away, more interest in helping and participating in homely duties and you seem to have a better understanding of community and organizing.  I'm not sure what goes on in school, but you talk about people being your friends. It's really cute to hear you talk abo...

because if i didn't i'd question whether you were mine. i've actually said this to quite a few people lately,  but it is true... you are all your father's. you have inherited daddy's: hair hairline eyes mouth ears fingers/hands feet/toes daddy's bow legs butt (you have a long torso, we aren't sure who that is from, but it's not me...) the harrison cheeks (more than likely i am forgetting something) you *might* have the minniti nose. i have my mom's nose, so even that isn't mine. i think you have daddy's congestion though. i surely don't need a little clone of myself, but i do find it funny -  aren't the chromosomes supposed to mix a little more equally? apparently my traits aren't very dominant. you even have your dad's sleeping habits. your second wind at around 10pm and what seems to be fighting sleep (although it's a little too early to tell, it sure seems like you do) we don't know about your personality q...

dear stella, how in the world has it been a week already? that scares me because that means one week closer to not being home with you. (i know, i shouldn't look at it like that). we are really making progress after some hoops. nothing major, but it's nice to see us working together  and finding out what works for us. right now you are resting on my shoulder as i type. not sure how long this will last, but you seem to want body contact  so i'm holding you close and writing to you. i love your little noises. i know you don't mean to make them, but i love them. i love when you smile, even though right now it's just a reflex. it still warms me. you are quite the heavy breather and ferocious eater. you are a quick eater these days as your latch is improving. i'm also getting the hang of things with your latch, your cues and your feeding times. it seems you prefer sleep to food. (you would make any bottle feeding moma proud haha!) but i don't see any other rou...

i am certainly not to the point of "omg get this baby out of me" or  "this baby needs to come out now" or "im so done with being pregnant" or  "im so uncomfortable i cant be pregnant anymore" the reality is that holy cow- in a few short weeks (or less?) i will be a moma and mister john, a dad. i already consider us parents as the baby is quite viable, but  like a baby in our arms, opening eyes, hopefully 10 fingers and toes (although if you come out missing a pinky i won't love you any less) it's just so surreal to me. when did 9 months pass? or 8 rather, when we found out. but october just breezed by like there was no tomorrow  and november, although not breezing quite as much is STILL breezy enough. i've never felt so ready for something and yet, not ready at all. via what do you mean you will be all ours? forever? and will spend every night with you? and i will have to get to know your feeding cues? and cries and gurgles? i...

i reported to mWife today that i am in a bit of denial. it's 11/3/11 . although i still don't believe that i will go "on time" or early i still can't wrap my head around how we are here and where time slipped to. the more i actually say i am in denial out loud the more i become less in denial. it's like admitting to having a drug problem. the more i admit i have a drug problem,  i'm one step closer to recovery. ...ok, so it's not the greatest example, but you get the idea. we had our little check up today and all continues to be well. it was great to talk through the denial and little fears that surface: "what if i just don't go into labor?" "what if i don't ever fully dilate?" "what if a hand comes out first?" "what if, what if, what if?" it's odd i hadn't had any what if's for the longest time,  but then november hits and the wheels turn. rationally i know that most of these scenarios are...

i wonder when you will show your face. it's now legit November....  will be fun for little nugget, er llama, to see what people thought. here's what peeps think: will be adding to this as time passes... get your predictor-caps on! feel free to send them my way ...and not accepting llama predictions this time around... sorry. Aunt Libby - NOV 4 - 7 lb 8 oz - boy Aunt Mary - NOV 22 - 7 lb 9 oz - boy Mama Nancy - NOV 30 - 6 lb 5 oz - girl Kristen Nute - DEC 4 - 6 lb 7 oz - girl Pat N. - NOV 23 - 6 lb 8 oz - boy Cousin Mia - NOV 25 - 9 lbs - boy Auntie Rosa - NOV 10 - 8 lb 10 oz - boy Auntie Becky - NOV 20 - 8 lb 12 oz - girl Aunt Julia - DEC 4 - 8 lb oz - boy Judy G. - NOV 21 - 7 lb 7 oz - boy Mamaw M. - NOV 30 - 7 lb - girl Grt. Grma K. - NOV 22 - 7 lb - boy Auntie Lea - NOV 25 - 7 lb 4 oz - boy Daddy - NOV 29 - 7 lb 10 oz - boy Moma - DEC 2 - 8 lb - boy Uncle Bryan - DEC 2 - 7 lbs - girl Cousin Sarah - DEC 3 - 7 lb 14 oz - boy Meggie - NOV 19 - 8...

we are busy with appointments all over the place. we had 2 this week. we have 2 this coming week. 2-3 the next and by george it will be 1-3 from there on out. ...unless you arrive, well early. ha. today we had 2 appointments. 1 in the eve and 1 in the morn. you were 145-150 bpm for both. steady lil thing aren't you?! in the morning we saw dr. W. he is so funny... told him i was at a doula dinner with him last year and he got on fb and we looked at LY's pics. ha! like who does that?! he complimented my tummy and inquired what i was doing for stretch marks. answer: lotion. not the bull shit $20+ lotions in a bottle the size of a peanut  that are supposed to rid them... that the annoying sales person from Motherhood Maternity tries to sell every time. like, she doesn't even have kids. sometimes i want to punch her in the face for being the most annoying, in your face, sales person ever and telling me i probably need more clothes. lady, listen - why would i buy more clothes...

long overdue, but: shower central little nugget,  we are so excited for you to put to use all our goodies  and gift cards friends and family  so graciously gifted.

more appointments bring more updates. and now we bring the chiropractor into the mix. what's one more? honestly i don't mind bc i know it's temporary.  i am lucky i have the flexibility to make my own schedule so it's not like i am losing hours with you. today we saw dr heather, the chiropractor. she was very thorough and i enjoyed listening  to her inform me of how the machines work, what she is doing and why she is doing what she is doing. it eased my uneasiness with the chiropractor process. the thought of "getting adjusted" always weirded me out. but, oops i liked it. dr heather found some spots in my neck, lower back and sacrum  that had small red flags. it was actually pretty relaxing. she didn't find any flags with my pelvis or round ligaments around the uterus  so that is good. we will be going back from time to time until you arrive. i'm supposed to continue yoga and pelvic rocks. done and done. dr heather informed me that my right side (...