what momma writes

dear ana, happy almost 1 week! i started to question you being a boy again those last 3 weeks. your older sister kept insisting that baby brother was coming and he was in my belly. it made for an interesting last week and labor as i fully felt like even if you were going to be a girl, it'd be a surprise. i really didn't care what your parts were, i felt excited and nervous. on the night before you were born your sister knew you were coming. all afternoon and evening she kept saying to daddy and i "i need a hug" or "i want a hug mommy." she mentioned that evening that she "didn't want to see baby sister." daddy and i insisted she sensed something coming very soon. that night she wanted an extra long hug and made me hug her through canon in D on pandora (which i have to say has been a 'sign' to me all pregnancy). stella proceeded to have me sleep with Minnie, her lovey as well. between all of that and the amount of pressure on my ...

in honor of V-WEEK (falls near valentine's day)  i'd like to post my own monologued letter to my vagina  due to my birth experience. some of you know that i was in the vagina monologues senior year of college.  i performed the monologue 'reclaiming cunt' i did a gospel style song of the monologue reclaiming the word cunt-  making it stand for something positive.  the whole experience was truly empowering. for all of you that haven't seen the show, just see it. dear vagina, this may come as a shock to you, but i'm still a little mad at you. i thought writing stella's birth story would help me get out my anger-  and don't get me wrong. it did.  but it was my therapeutic band aid. some of that anger stuck around and lingered. i was thinking about the birth last week while i was in the shower  (i tend to do most my thinking there or before bed, quite annoying actually...)  and i realized that every time i think about the faulty ...

In June I was able to complete a doula training and met some amazing women who share the same passion for birth and all that goes into the before during and after. I'm excited that fellow doula , Peg (moma of 3) agreed to share her doula journey. She is now accepting momas!! First and foremost, I want to give a huge congratulations to Caren and John at the arrival of their daughter Stella!   I first met Caren this summer at  toLabor     training.  I was immediately impressed by her hunger for knowledge about birth.  We had a wonderful weekend together experiencing something beyond words.  We are forever connected after that weekend.  When she asked me to do a guest spot on her blog, I was honored.   Recently, someone asked me why I wanted to become a doula.  I found myself speechless (a rarity for those who know me well).  How to describe this passion - this calling?  For some doulas, it begins when they have an...

it's been really hard to sit down and write this. not just because i keep falling asleep or stella needs to nurse... sure that is a part of it, but, there is a vulnerable part to writing this birth story that i have been having a hard time wrapping my head around. i'm an open book and this post will be a piece of that open book, but know that i still am sifting through some anger that things didn't go as "planned" even though for 10 months i mentally prepared for all possible outcomes and knowing the plan may not happen.  ...and per usual i didn't hold back on details. if you can't handle it, sorry. this is birth. INTRO: it was most important for me to bring our child into the world in the most organic way possible. after lots of research, resources and conversations we decided the best route to do this would be a home birth. we chose our midwife, found an amazing doula , and i received back up care the entire pregnancy from 2 obgyn's that i c...

Dear Stella, We’re glad you’re here!  It seems like not very long ago we were just getting used to the fact that you were coming.  I want to tell you a little bit about some of my experiences the last 9 months.  It’s tough to be able to identify a place to begin with this so we’ll skip all of the parts that you don’t want to know about and fast forward to March 18 th .  It was a Friday morning and your mom mentioned to me that morning that she thought she might be pregnant.  Of course, I was a little surprised and not completely convinced, but you see, your mom is very in tune with her body.  She wanted to wait to get the test but I convinced her to let me run to the drug store that night.  We were pleasantly informed of your impending arrival about 30 minutes later when that Walgreen’s brand pregnancy test said “pregnant”.  Actually it flashed “pregnant”, or maybe it flashed “this is for real, get ready”....

i reported to mWife today that i am in a bit of denial. it's 11/3/11 . although i still don't believe that i will go "on time" or early i still can't wrap my head around how we are here and where time slipped to. the more i actually say i am in denial out loud the more i become less in denial. it's like admitting to having a drug problem. the more i admit i have a drug problem,  i'm one step closer to recovery. ...ok, so it's not the greatest example, but you get the idea. we had our little check up today and all continues to be well. it was great to talk through the denial and little fears that surface: "what if i just don't go into labor?" "what if i don't ever fully dilate?" "what if a hand comes out first?" "what if, what if, what if?" it's odd i hadn't had any what if's for the longest time,  but then november hits and the wheels turn. rationally i know that most of these scenarios are...