Then + Now

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it's funny how life changes.
it's funnier how i've become so okay with the changes.

let's truck it back to May 2009, a trip down memory lane.
i had a nice little going away party at the Madhatter in New York City. it was one of our favorite hang out spots. john proposed to me May 16th 2009 and I was already planning to move home June 9th 2009 so i already had this little shin-dig planned to have one last hurrah with all my friends.

towards the end of the night when it was a more intimate group, a friend of a friend decided to push my buttons and say "You are going to move to Ohio and live with a white picket fence and have babiesssss!"
let's just say this didn't bode well with me and i did not react in the most mature way possible.
i got up and pushed him in the stomach in turn spilling his beer on his shirt and him bumping into another person, along with sharing so not so kind words to him.
yea.

at the time i found it offensive to assume that i was to get married, get a house and have a family. it was hard enough for me to leave new york, a place i loved and thrived off of it's energy and for someone to say exactly what i (at the time) feared threw me a curve ball.

almost 2 years later, April 2011 i laugh at all this and all my fear of change.
i have always been an adaptable person, but looking back on the whole 3 years there, moving to and from were some of the hardest transitions no matter how hard i tried to mentally prepare.

i laugh now because i have fashioned into that person i was so scared to become and i am so gosh darn okay with it. i have never been happier in my life.

i still miss new york terribly.
i still have stress in my life.
i still wish i made more money.
BUT
on the other side of the grass:
i missed home when in new york.
i had stress in my life.
i never had enough money in nyc.

1/2 empty. 1/2 full.
?
it's always going to be that way and coming to the place of acceptance and balance has given me much peace in trying to live in the now. here i am - 28.5, happily married, in a house (no picket fence though) and a baby on the way.

there are always going to be things i want to work on. want to change. want to improve. want to learn. no matter where i am, so making the most of what i have and can do in the now is key. here's to all that is and all that will come.

Comments

Unknown said…
Carey, this helps me so much! Isn't it funny how we react so strongly to things b/c they're exactly what we're afraid of!? I half-think I hate the person for verbalizing something I'm not able to verbalize yet. Ho, hum...growing up is hard to do!
26/4/11
ma mom said…
I remember when I turned up pregant just after your dad lost his job. It was New Year's Day. I thought I would be living as a couple for the first five years of marriage. I had just given up arhitecture, Arizona dreams, and cowboys.

Then I found out I was so ready to be a mom and it was so exciting. I went with it. And I wasn't 28.5 with the wisdom you girls have.
So many blessings are surprises.
6/5/11
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