hurdles [sleeping thru the night]

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er, or not sleeping through the night rather.






"no, she is not sleeping through the night. thanks."
this actually is what i want to say sometimes, but i'm trying to stay positive.


and disclaimer:
please don't read this and think i am talking about you if you have asked me this before.
it's more irritating to be asked over and over by the same person expecting a different response.
isn't that the definition of insanity?
hmmm.

just because other 5 month old babies sleep thru doesn't mean that mine will at this time.
and just because they sleep through at 2, 3 or 4 months doesn't mean that stella fits that exact 
cookie cutter mold. hmph.
every heard of individuality?
unique?
if this sounds defensive, i probably am and that is probably due to the fact that i am tired.

do i want a full night's sleep? duh.
am i used to getting up 3-4x a night lately? yes.
am i functioning on broken sleep ok? barely.
will this last forever? no.


the hardest part right now is running on E.
i'm feeling like my tank is constantly on low fuel and it is catching up to me.
we moved stella to the crib almost 2 weeks ago.
she started out doing well.
and well means that she only fussed the same amount as in the co sleeper/bed with me...
meaning i got up the same amount and the only difference was walking in the other room.
then after a week she started fussing a lot. 
luckily i have stopped the feeds for the most part bc i don't think she needs it and it seems
her fussing is for other reasons-
for a paci.
for gas.
for constipation.
for teething... 
(frankly, teething is another hurdle and this might be the main issue here...)


heck i'm not really sure i am learning as i go.
good news is that she doesn't scream and sometimes she falls back asleep on her own, 
but the bad news is i wake up pretty much for every peep.
... and when you wake up 4-5x a night
it's not exactly worthy of labeling it a good night's sleep.


and you start doing things like shaving your legs and forgetting to shave a whole knee.
saying to pockets "wow. you must be thursday!" after she gulps her water.
(no, no caren it's thirsty. this is one of many word mishaps)
trying to say a word or sentence, but find that nothing will correctly exit your mouth.
you start going through the days where you got 4 consecutive hours of sleep
thinking you are well rested, when in reality you are not, 
you have just forgotten what well rested really feels like.


and when i feel like punching people who have kids that sleep through the night at a very early age
and CLAIM they know what lack of sleep is, i first think in my head "ha! you suck and have no idea" 
and then i think of what my friend told me-


she said she wouldn't have done anything differently.
looking back she can't get the time back she shared with her little one in those sleepless nights,
those moments of snuggles in the same bed and they are only young once.

 unless a child has a chronic disease that keeps them from sleeping thru the night, it will happen.
and when it happens it will be when she is ready.


... for now i'll continue to hazily walk through my days...




Comments

kate said…
Hang in there. We went through the same thing with Monster when he was Stella's age. I wanted to kill anyone who asked about sleeping through the night. We did some things that seemed to work, and I'm happy to share those if you want them. But every baby is different, and sleep is so sensitive, people need to keep their opinions to themselves. My 2-yr-old nephew still doesn't sleep through the night, and there have been so many doctor visits, sleep studies, etc. They can't figure out what's going on, and my poor sister-in-law is still putting up with people making dumb comments.
Hang in there. It'll happen. And I agree with your friend - there are moments now that I miss our peaceful midnight feedings. Not often, but sometimes :)
17/4/12
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