That night I watched the innocence both fade and transmute. As life goes it didn't go as I expected or dare I say "planned." I knew we were close to the end of an era; that Santa / gifts under the tree gasp era. My secret goal was to make it through this Christmas. A couple weeks ago we did the rounds of our neighborhood for a "Christmas walk" aka walking around looking at the lights. When we got home, Ana poured herself a glass of oat milk and asked "Does Santa put the gifts under the tree or is it the parents?" Shock and "not now" filled my body as I hung up my hat and coat in the mud room. "What made you think of that?" I asked. "I was just thinking about the milk and it made me think of it." "Hmmmmm" I posed the old "what do you think" back at her feeling like this is not the right time and clinging to my own wants for what Christmas should look like. I wasn't ready to answer, I needed to thi...
over and over again, this theme rolls onward in my life right now. i feel aligned, mostly positive, gracious and overall pretty happy. there's been multiple times i wanted to sit and write this piece, but then there's this part of me that says "but what if things didn't work out as you said?" "what if you go broke?" "people will think you are tooting your own horn..." but, honestly why do i care? this is me and if people get something from it, great. if not, also, great. same reason for me not going to use capital letters here... because i don't feel like it. like it or don't. negative self talk is so self deprecating. we wouldn't let someone talk to us like that, but we let ourselves talk us out of EVERYTHING! this is a little tale and peek into our life. over a year ago john left his comfortable job with good benefits (no, really the best benefits there are, kind of benefits). he could do this job with his eyes closed,...
Honestly, "it" was always on my radar. Ever have that feeling of interest or yearn and you don't really know why? I am notorious for going outside the box so it wouldn't be all that shocking for us to choose to homeschool in 2015. In time of reflection I think back on when Stella was under two. I sat down with a group of interested homeschoolers for a Q and A, but it was still an anomaly then and most definitely not popular or always understood. And still true in some areas today, but growing fast. Not a shock though, I never felt like I could do it. I never felt strong enough in my abilities or knowledge to school my own kids and I don't think John had very much interest. Looking back I would certainly want that support, but thing is it would have gone just fine in the sense that it would be all we ever knew. No regrets though. Our school path has led me to some incredible friendships and pushpins of growth opportunities that would not have presented themselves ...
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20 words and a clever title.
Of course, a grandbaby, makes a perfect subject matter.