waiting for our arrival
over and over again, this theme rolls onward in my life right now.
i feel aligned, mostly positive, gracious and overall pretty happy.
there's been multiple times i wanted to sit and write this piece, but then there's this part of me that says "but what if things didn't work out as you said?" "what if you go broke?" "people will think you are tooting your own horn..."
but, honestly why do i care? this is me and if people get something from it, great. if not, also, great. same reason for me not going to use capital letters here... because i don't feel like it. like it or don't.
negative self talk is so self deprecating. we wouldn't let someone talk to us like that, but we let ourselves talk us out of EVERYTHING!
this is a little tale and peek into our life.
over a year ago john left his comfortable job with good benefits (no, really the best benefits there are, kind of benefits). he could do this job with his eyes closed, wasn't fulfilling... lacking passion. we made a plan for him to start up his own practice on the side and eventually break free of the monotony of autopilot. (ok, he did most of the planning and building, but i did the supporting).
don't be fooled, it wasn't a piece of cake, but we trusted it would work. and it did. and it is. there were lots of long nights for him and plenty of long nights for me with the kids.
about a year ago i quit my job. i was pregnant with our second daughter and the stress of not living up to expectations was wearing on me. i called john on the way home and he said "can you just quit? we will figure it out." and we did. and i didn't go back. it was both freeing and frightening.
this past year there was a lot of blood, sweat, tears put into john's business, our marriage and family, and even my small business. we've learned so much about ourselves through all of this. i feel like i am in a place of happy. is that okay to say? to be positive? i stressed a lot this last year (and cussed out some insurance brokers too), but you know what - i know that it's going to be okay. we will figure it out. isn't that was life is about? figuring it out.
and, oddly enough we agreed on our own and together to just live. not to stress. not to wait to arrive at happiness. why wait? we can be that now. by being... now. in the present. in this moment.
that doesn't mean we don't have stress in life and we have dreamy financials. this also doesn't mean that i don't lose my temper with the kids and don't envision what it will be like to have no mud in the driveway. the difference is that i'm not dwelling on it.
i wanted to share this because i genuinely want you (yes reader, you) to be happy and see your potential. you can do what you want. you don't have to be a slave to a system or benefits (even the very best of benefits). you'll figure it out if you believe you will.
along side this acceptance i've started practicing gratitude. for whatever reason this has been an ongoing theme that has seeped it's way into my life time and again. this is with yoga practise, on podcasts, john's work, billboards. i don't take this as coincidence.
one of the podcasts challenged listeners to say out loud or list what they are grateful for from 12:34-12:35 every day. i've been doing this religiously for almost a month and i have to say it's made a difference. it's subtle, but saying i'm grateful for my car that runs and my kids and husband and my business and sunshine ... and whatever comes to mind that day keeps me grounded.
this simple act has helped me stay in the present and it's so easy. set your alarm every day (i mean you can pick whatever time you want). i say them out loud because my ego starts judging my lists if i start writing the same things every day. it's really a nice thing to share with stella too even thought she doesn't understand it's value.
practicing gratitude hones in on what i already have rather than the negative 'have nots'. and the longer i do it, the less i find myself wanting things or arrival to fill a void or make me happy. i can't keep waiting to "arrive" to say that things are perfect, happy, abundant because things are changing all the time. there is no arrival at happiness, but we can choose to be happy.
i feel aligned, mostly positive, gracious and overall pretty happy.
there's been multiple times i wanted to sit and write this piece, but then there's this part of me that says "but what if things didn't work out as you said?" "what if you go broke?" "people will think you are tooting your own horn..."
but, honestly why do i care? this is me and if people get something from it, great. if not, also, great. same reason for me not going to use capital letters here... because i don't feel like it. like it or don't.
negative self talk is so self deprecating. we wouldn't let someone talk to us like that, but we let ourselves talk us out of EVERYTHING!
this is a little tale and peek into our life.
over a year ago john left his comfortable job with good benefits (no, really the best benefits there are, kind of benefits). he could do this job with his eyes closed, wasn't fulfilling... lacking passion. we made a plan for him to start up his own practice on the side and eventually break free of the monotony of autopilot. (ok, he did most of the planning and building, but i did the supporting).
don't be fooled, it wasn't a piece of cake, but we trusted it would work. and it did. and it is. there were lots of long nights for him and plenty of long nights for me with the kids.
about a year ago i quit my job. i was pregnant with our second daughter and the stress of not living up to expectations was wearing on me. i called john on the way home and he said "can you just quit? we will figure it out." and we did. and i didn't go back. it was both freeing and frightening.
this past year there was a lot of blood, sweat, tears put into john's business, our marriage and family, and even my small business. we've learned so much about ourselves through all of this. i feel like i am in a place of happy. is that okay to say? to be positive? i stressed a lot this last year (and cussed out some insurance brokers too), but you know what - i know that it's going to be okay. we will figure it out. isn't that was life is about? figuring it out.
and, oddly enough we agreed on our own and together to just live. not to stress. not to wait to arrive at happiness. why wait? we can be that now. by being... now. in the present. in this moment.
that doesn't mean we don't have stress in life and we have dreamy financials. this also doesn't mean that i don't lose my temper with the kids and don't envision what it will be like to have no mud in the driveway. the difference is that i'm not dwelling on it.
i wanted to share this because i genuinely want you (yes reader, you) to be happy and see your potential. you can do what you want. you don't have to be a slave to a system or benefits (even the very best of benefits). you'll figure it out if you believe you will.
along side this acceptance i've started practicing gratitude. for whatever reason this has been an ongoing theme that has seeped it's way into my life time and again. this is with yoga practise, on podcasts, john's work, billboards. i don't take this as coincidence.
one of the podcasts challenged listeners to say out loud or list what they are grateful for from 12:34-12:35 every day. i've been doing this religiously for almost a month and i have to say it's made a difference. it's subtle, but saying i'm grateful for my car that runs and my kids and husband and my business and sunshine ... and whatever comes to mind that day keeps me grounded.
this simple act has helped me stay in the present and it's so easy. set your alarm every day (i mean you can pick whatever time you want). i say them out loud because my ego starts judging my lists if i start writing the same things every day. it's really a nice thing to share with stella too even thought she doesn't understand it's value.
practicing gratitude hones in on what i already have rather than the negative 'have nots'. and the longer i do it, the less i find myself wanting things or arrival to fill a void or make me happy. i can't keep waiting to "arrive" to say that things are perfect, happy, abundant because things are changing all the time. there is no arrival at happiness, but we can choose to be happy.
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