the bar has been raised.

...raised by pockets.

it is my duty as an auntie to be able to brag about pockets.
you don't really attain these duties/privileges for your own children. (at least publicly)

obviously i would swoon over her by merely sharing the same family as she, 

but really, she is a neat kid.

and damn it, she raised the bar. not just a little, but A LOT!

i have joked time and again how screwed we may be.

not only is she adorable with her olive skin, blond little bitty hair 

and piercing dark brown eyes and red lips, 

she also is a little ball of personality, adventure and spice. 

early on she was trying to emulate mouth movements to words and sounds and wanting to imitate everything and move. i mean hell, she rolled over at 3 weeks or something insane!
unstoppable.
 at 15 m.o. her vocabulary consists of just some of the following:

mama, dada, pawpaw, blueberry, strawberry, manana (banana), babah (passy), drink, nurse, hi, bye, dog, moo, shhhhh, meow, more, again, yes, no, cracker, dude (although she says it with no meaning) hot, peepee, poop, eat, mamah, duck (john, who will now go as uncle duck), up, down, ..... and although she can't always pronounce the words to body parts she knows where every major body part is located by name (yes, every major).

ok, you get the idea. but my point is this kid has some social stamina and loves to communicate-

the average range of words for a 1 y.o. is 2-5 words...
pretty sure pockets knows how to use 25+ words and meanings.
so not only is she awesomely amazing

this lil tot likes to talk and i just love it.
it is so fun to have this little communicator + imitator and as tiring as it is that she wants to learn and get into everything i love that she doesn't seem to be timid with boundaries 
although she likes to choose to talk to you rather than you approach her.
this kid makes the rules.


when in san diego we were able to get even more bonding time with her and i can't explain how special that was to have this little munchkin bop around in her cute little diaper and check in on uncle duck and i to see what we were up to. she nestled into my lap if she wants me to read a story to her and wants to know what exactly i am doing when i am on the pot, wants to try on uncle duck's shoes and gets frustrated that they don't fit and would rather eat my cereal in milk than her own dry O's which happen to almost be identical minus the milk. 


this picture below is one of many of her cheesing it up for everyone. she would run in the house where the reception was held, sort of come over and hide in my lap while doing malasana pose, then look over at everyone and give this cheese of a smile with her eyes closed.

the ham. she is encouraged by laughter.

so i adore my little pocket niece.
there is nothing so wrong with that, but after swooning so much over such a neat cat how can any other kid measure up to her ball of personality and vibrance and alertness for life - 
from day 1!?

it may just sound horrible, but sometimes i think our kid will be boring compared to pockets.
i mean, it's not that i lose sleep over it, but we've just been so spoiled for the last 15 months.


the good news is this:  every parent thinks their kid is the shit. so i guess we are in the clear.
i am not much for lying just because it sounds better in public, so there it is honestly.
although i try not to have these thoughts, i do. and i would rather not lie about them.
just like my a lesson in perspective post got my true initial feelings out there i'd like to continue being accountable along the way as it actually eases the guilt of thoughts 
i wish i didn't/don't have.


recently my sister gave me this book of essays on mommy-hood
(which i am sure may lead to more blog entries...)
and there was an essay that struck a chord with these thoughts.
"Our image of ourselves, and our roles as good, caring parents can be deeper
than our image of our children, and perhaps even influence it."
powerful.
So i'd like to let go of these notions of 'I hope our child is cool'
even if i happen to have a really cool niece.
And ultimately our child is going to be the coolest in our eyes and the coolest child for us.
I don't want to be the parent that has to have their child be the "best" at everything
in order to amp up my confidence and esteem as a parent.


I hope we can parent in a way that is cultivating independence and uniqueness 
for that particular child.
My friend Kate wrote to me earlier when i hated that i had a sex preference
 and said it's normal to have all kinds of hopes and expectations for your kids - 
everyone wants a funny/cute/smart/friendly/talented/successful kid.
So that is reassuring, but i'd like to, as this author discusses, not worry so much on the 
"Parent Report Card" - bc there is always some one's child who will be ahead of and behind ours and it's certainly not fair for me to enhance my self image from how our child excels.


before pregnancy i never thought i would actually have these thoughts, 
but i am sure there are plenty of "i told you so" moments waiting for me 
(but please, i'm not asking for them, i can figure them out on my own) 
and i will go back on my "i will never do that" or "my child will never do that."

so there, i feel better already.