kisses dont always make it better.

i remember hearing that kisses will make it better.

but it's not always true.

when my daughter is screaming the screams that dig under your skin

and her face is beet red

her brow is dented with a scowl

and i have to remind her to breathe from the angry cries she is displaying

i will say that kisses don't always make it better.

there isn't a number of kisses i could shower her with that do the trick. 

i wish i could say it worked.

it's those screams that used to be piercing

but now, when it's my kid

they still are piercing, but they pierce straight to my heart.

not knowing exactly what is wrong with her

or how exactly she wants to be soothed

and what set her off in the first place

make this roller coaster of parenthood ring true.

i have to say she is a good baby.

i mean, she isn't colicky and cries typically when babies cry

hunger. diaper. held. ouch.

but she tried my patience (ok, i know unintentionally) over the weekend.

out of no where she had a conniption fit.

my kisses didn't make it better. 

i was getting tired and i had hopes of getting a lot done.

i didn't bother getting her dressed at that point

because it surely didn't seem it would help her conniption-ing.

i wrapped her in a blanket and brought her to bed to cuddle.

it just seemed like nothing was working

and it made me cry.

i cried because i couldn't soothe my child

and was getting to the point where my eyelids were heavy

and my damn kisses didn't make it better.

and at the same time realize that i can't "do it all"

---

i had big plans to get a lot done that day-

re-organize the maternity clothes

bathe, feed and dress the both of us

write a blog (or two)

bake some cranberry breads

a load of laundry?

and if i didn't get to any of those i thought it would be nice to do something

"christmasy" like watch a movie with hot chocolate

as a family of three.

but there i was, 2 PM, crying in bed with my now, calm child

attempting a nap

with only accomplishing both of us bathed, one dressed (me) and one fed (her).

amid two piles of maternity clothes to put away.

how in the world do people have another child with a baby?

[stay tuned for some guest posters to come]

the day actually didn't turn out so bad.

i did the dishes, fed myself lunch, drafted a blog, responded to some emails

she napped in her crib :)

mister john made dinner and put in a christmas movie for the evening.

another reminder to celebrate the small successes

and shower my child with kisses even if they don't always make it better...

...right away.