dear ali,

dear ali,


i never thought i would write you a note, but since i think about you so much i figure what the heck...


i think about you every day. ever since i joined the prayer chain i prayed for you daily and thought about you every day. not a bad thing, but it's still crazy to me.


when i was pregnant and would wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom i would think about you watching over your family. literally i would look in the room and think hmmm i wonder if she is there. again, i don't know why...
just those are/were my middle of the night thoughts. sometimes i look up in the room when i can't sleep (like a few nights ago) and wonder if you know i am thinking of you. i know heaven is different and we humans will never be able to wrap our heads around the energy and ways of the next life, but it's hard not to think about it; what you are "doing" and who you are "watching" ...


when i am up feeding stella or up going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, i still think of you. it's almost a routine now.


i never had someone pass that i legit think about every day. i'm very much not used to that and again, i don't mind, it's still just unexpected to me. mel's one of my besties so i guess it makes sense that you come up in my life too. i see her often and i guess in turn i think of you. i also have your pink bracelet on my vanity and i wear a bfeeding reminder bracelet from you too. there's so many great things happening in your honor - walks, books and tutu's so it'd be hard to not have you on my mind regularly.

i also still have a 7pm ali alarm on my phone. it's not that i think anything bad will happen if i turn it off or that i will do a disservice to you, but i'm so used to having it that it makes me uneasy thinking about turning it off. it doesn't seem right to. weird right? i do say a lot more hail mary's now bc of you. when the alarm comes up i say one if i am not doing anything or i say it later. i usually say a prayer for your family now if i feel like i need to dedicate it to someone. i try them when i can't sleep too.


often i find that i look at my phone and there is the alarm telling me to calm down and take a minute which is nice too. it's like a gentle reminder for me not to stress out about things.


when i took my new job i thought of you too. our goal is to help people learn how to read - both children and adults. when i was making my decision i couldn't help but think of your legacy in books. the job with a goal in mind for children to read books seemed like the no brainer.


just felt like giving you a shout.
if you know what people think about then i guess you know i've been thinking about you.
thanks for my daily reminder to chill.


brenda


PS 

i never liked pink much, but now i wear it with pride and when i put stella in pink i feel like she's rockin for a good cause!