when in doubt, think irrational.

due to the turbulence of stella's sleeping thru the night and well, not sleeping thru the night has caused me to take illogical action in order to cope with my aggravation and current sleep deprivation.

i thought she started sleeping through the night.
then there was that tooth.
and that other tooth and oh yea, 2 more of those stinkers popping in...
how many frigging teeth need to come in people?

and to be honest, i don't know if that's the reason, but sometimes it makes the most sense.

i know some parents that prayed for sleep, or good skin tone, or what have you... i didn't pray for either of those. (i mean skin tone...come on, look at mister john and i - it wouldn't be worth the prayer!) i prayed for healthy which, duh i think everyone does and we were blessed and got that. and while i didn't pray for anything else, i did secretly want a baby who was fun, happy, and very much engaging with a little sass on the side. if my baby was a girl i wanted to ensure she didn't take crap from people. well, i also got those. all of those!

... but not right away.

while bird was sleeping poorly in the early stages she wasn't all that fun and happy. she was a baby... kind of like all those babies at the beginning - you love them because they are your own or related or a friend's, but they don't really do anything.
she goes to bed nicely. she naps pretty nicely.
but sleeping all the way through is a task we haven't conquered.
 
so in my brash thinking coupled with a tired brain and body i have the answer:
she doesn't consistently sleep through the night because she is an awesome spitfire with a great personality and babies that sleep through the night are boring. babies that sleep through the night before six months must be especially boring! it all makes sense!
 
it gets better, when i want to sucker punch moms (or dads) that have a baby that slept through the night at 4-5 months i gently tell myself they haven't fully experienced parenthood. 

now call me a wimp or call me loving, but i haven't had the heart to do the cry it out method longer than 30 minutes. when your child wheezes and sounds like she is going to lose her breath or vocal chords (and stella is going to be a singer so we need to keep those in good condition) how in the world do you stay in bed. maybe i am a wimp? an irrational, semi-violent wimp.
how's that for an oxi-moron?

so there - someone call me bad names and get me a coffee! obviously i know i am bring irrational, but it makes me feel better. most of us have used this tactic in arguments. it's called: i'm going to say something mean, knowing it's mean and probably untrue for the sake of making myself feel better and not act violently.
 
sometimes i feel badly about it, but right now i feel my delusional mindset worked. i feel better because if my kid isn't going to sleep at least she is cooler than your sleeper.

maybe by next child i'll pray for a sleeper...