i am human. and sometimes i'm green.
hey, long time no blog right?
i've been a little busy. there's a coworker on maternity leave, it's my "busy season" at work, i have a toddler, and i'm sewing a lot... and well, sometimes the blog just gets the back burner.
and on that note, sometimes when people run circles around me i get green...
green with envy.
it's one of my worst traits.
i really hate it, but i've realized it's a part of who i am and it's up to me to work at it. and, well hopefully some day conquer it. maybe?
i've taken some grace in the fact that i'm human and it's somewhat of human nature, but i hate it.
i don't want to be an jealous person. i have a good life and i'm blessed to the moon and back (whatever the heck that means anyway), but there are times i still want things i don't have and get envious of the people that have them, supposedly have them or supposedly have things come easy for them.
the first step is recognizing and being aware of my jealousy. so it's here i write and here i share.
sometimes:
i am green about people who have houses that don't accumulate dust every 3 seconds because their house is newer and their bathroom floors aren't black tile making it excessively visible.
i am green because i can't be a SAHM or SAHwM.
i am green when i see people with newer appliances that look "neater" or more put together than ours.
i am green at the families that can vacation at any time and doesn't break their bank account.
i am green when i hear people complain about their house needing updates when we haven't updated 1 thing since we've lived here.
i am green when i see people have the cutest clothes and their lives present perfectly. all the time. wth right?
i am green when even though my child sleeps fine i still wake up with bags under my eyes the size of Texas even after a nice night's sleep.
i am green when someone has the loveliest birth experience.
see, these are just a few of the things that make me envious of others. often times it comes off that i'm irritated at them or i make a belittling comment about them to myself, but in reality, when i get to the root of it, it's jealousy. if i weren't a little jealous would it matter if so-n-so got a new car when their car is fine? so what if so-n-so stays home and has a perfectly organized house. does it make someone lazy if they can actually keep up with a blog more than once a month? and so on...
i'm sure you see this and think it is silly. it is.
and none of that stuff matters in life.
i'm sure i'm a little hard on myself too when i can't keep up with the folks that can run circles around me and my goals.
i know it's ridiculous and i truly want to be able to celebrate people's good fortune, but if i don't make myself aware of my shortcomings then how am i going to improve and learn from them. if i didn't have shortcomings or had everything handed to me on a silver platter then what's there to learn in life? i was having lunch with my dad last week and he said he always worries about his kids and wants to fix everything for them. i told him what parent wouldn't, but there's something to be said about letting your children grow and experience some natural turmoil so they can become a more whole person. while it's enticing to have it all on a platter, it's likely that it's not going to get me many survival skills and surely isn't going to do me any long term favors.
whether we are green with envy or not, it seems that the grass being greener on someone else's side is always going to be the case. and the truth is that we will never ever experience someone else's grassy side because we aren't them and will never have the exact situation.
the funny thing is that after i read some of my envy's i realize i don't necessarily want the same things as other people i'm jealous of and i could give a crud less about brands. the size, make and look i could care less about, but when so many people are in line for the next best thing it's hard to step back and be okay with not having (or wanting in some cases) the next best whatever...
arrgggg it messes with my brain sometimes.
every day i'm trying to remind myself i have a happy, comfortable home, a healthy family and plenty to be grateful for... i'm sure someone else thinks i "have it all" too.
i've been a little busy. there's a coworker on maternity leave, it's my "busy season" at work, i have a toddler, and i'm sewing a lot... and well, sometimes the blog just gets the back burner.
and on that note, sometimes when people run circles around me i get green...
green with envy.
it's one of my worst traits.
i really hate it, but i've realized it's a part of who i am and it's up to me to work at it. and, well hopefully some day conquer it. maybe?
i've taken some grace in the fact that i'm human and it's somewhat of human nature, but i hate it.
i don't want to be an jealous person. i have a good life and i'm blessed to the moon and back (whatever the heck that means anyway), but there are times i still want things i don't have and get envious of the people that have them, supposedly have them or supposedly have things come easy for them.
the first step is recognizing and being aware of my jealousy. so it's here i write and here i share.
sometimes:
i am green about people who have houses that don't accumulate dust every 3 seconds because their house is newer and their bathroom floors aren't black tile making it excessively visible.
i am green because i can't be a SAHM or SAHwM.
i am green when i see people with newer appliances that look "neater" or more put together than ours.
i am green at the families that can vacation at any time and doesn't break their bank account.
i am green when i hear people complain about their house needing updates when we haven't updated 1 thing since we've lived here.
i am green when i see people have the cutest clothes and their lives present perfectly. all the time. wth right?
i am green when even though my child sleeps fine i still wake up with bags under my eyes the size of Texas even after a nice night's sleep.
i am green when someone has the loveliest birth experience.
see, these are just a few of the things that make me envious of others. often times it comes off that i'm irritated at them or i make a belittling comment about them to myself, but in reality, when i get to the root of it, it's jealousy. if i weren't a little jealous would it matter if so-n-so got a new car when their car is fine? so what if so-n-so stays home and has a perfectly organized house. does it make someone lazy if they can actually keep up with a blog more than once a month? and so on...
i'm sure you see this and think it is silly. it is.
and none of that stuff matters in life.
i'm sure i'm a little hard on myself too when i can't keep up with the folks that can run circles around me and my goals.
i know it's ridiculous and i truly want to be able to celebrate people's good fortune, but if i don't make myself aware of my shortcomings then how am i going to improve and learn from them. if i didn't have shortcomings or had everything handed to me on a silver platter then what's there to learn in life? i was having lunch with my dad last week and he said he always worries about his kids and wants to fix everything for them. i told him what parent wouldn't, but there's something to be said about letting your children grow and experience some natural turmoil so they can become a more whole person. while it's enticing to have it all on a platter, it's likely that it's not going to get me many survival skills and surely isn't going to do me any long term favors.
whether we are green with envy or not, it seems that the grass being greener on someone else's side is always going to be the case. and the truth is that we will never ever experience someone else's grassy side because we aren't them and will never have the exact situation.
the funny thing is that after i read some of my envy's i realize i don't necessarily want the same things as other people i'm jealous of and i could give a crud less about brands. the size, make and look i could care less about, but when so many people are in line for the next best thing it's hard to step back and be okay with not having (or wanting in some cases) the next best whatever...
arrgggg it messes with my brain sometimes.
every day i'm trying to remind myself i have a happy, comfortable home, a healthy family and plenty to be grateful for... i'm sure someone else thinks i "have it all" too.
Comments