thoughts on my grandma [entry started in march]
death and grief are just weird, but at the same time oh so natural.
there are moments when it hits you out of no where.
my grandma has been gone 3 months and my grandpa about 9. it's not that i selfishly want them here anymore as they lived long, good lives and are ridiculously happy now, but it's bizarre that they are physically gone.
i haven't been able to sit down and write about grandma. i really haven't had the time to dedicate, but i think of her often. she and grandpa's items in our house give me peace. every day i get to see her china cabinet in our dining room. while it's not filled with her grandmotherly nick-nacks, it is very purposeful in our house and i think of her every time i see it. and as weird as it sounds, some days i'm in disbelief it's in our house. like, "wait a minute, what is this doing here? this is supposed to be in grandma's house...."
grandma is the epitome of a heart of gold. there was no stopping her going straight to heaven to pure bliss. grandma is the warmest, most loving, pure person. her name means little angel and true to her 4 foot stature, that's exactly what she is: a little angel. our little angel.
the perfect matriarch for our family.
she keeps everyone's secrets.
she has joy for your joys.
she worries for your sorrows.
she is a mini, mighty minniti!
she knows when to keep quiet even if she held a grudge (and there were only a few).
she is still my listener.
it's peaceful knowing she's done here. done with hurting physically and missing grandpa, but there's still a fresh piece of hollowness in me when i think about her physical absence. i love looking at her pictures and knowing that i will have keepsakes here with me in the house, but they both are gone. that's what's so hard for me to grasp. it was so fast. i even wanted them to go (for their own peace).
she was the epitome of inclusive. everyone was welcome and as my cousin said "their tiny basement had expandable walls" at the holidays. it will always be "grandma's house". the house with the paneled basement, grandpa at the head of the table calling out our names to come receive our Christmas money envelopes and sipping scotch on the rocks. grandma in and out of the kitchen until she handed that over to her youngest son, al. she'd have a feast for more than were there.
she would light a candle for us at church and tell us that she prays for us. we'd always leave her house with her telling us to "be careful." i take it now as 'be full of care' - that's what grandma did. her open heart and arms cared for all. she did this at an early age as she would tuck aunt toni into bed at the convent where they were raised for a large portion of their early childhood.
she crushed on grandpa. they bickered like old married folk do, but she adored him. she adored him so much she didn't want to live without him. i can picture her joking to my sister and me under her breath about how grandpa is a hunk. i adore the picture of grandpa smiling a smitten smile and grandma looking up at him out of the corner of her eyes.
stella has a love for Christmas and nick-nacks. both of which grandma enjoyed to a high degree. when going to grandma's house (or Nana for stella), stella could look and play with all of her nick nacks the entire time. she has an angel now and it's named cherubina. I've decided to carry on grandma's tradition of her good night: "good night don't let the bed bugs bite if they do get your shoe and beat them black and blue. Dream of the angels." she'd tell us before tucking us into bed.
my sister and i would have sleep overs at grandma and grandpa's. we'd stay the night watching Nickelodeon's 'you can't do that on television' (what a treat - we didn't have cable) and play hang man with grandma. and of course end the night with a ding dong hostess treat, my favorite. in the morning we'd have mini cereal boxes to choose from (all of which weren't healthy for us). we'd go to church at sacred heart and then to brunch at Dante's. just little memories i think more about now than i did when she was living.
i wore proudly the shirt saying "If Mommy says no ask Grandma"
that's just grandma. we were good kids, but she took her spoiling job seriously. she was just sweet. there wasn't a person that disliked "Irene" as she was called. it was hard to find a person she didn't like either. grandma might have held a grudge, but only if you dissed her family in some fashion. better stay on her good side. family was always first. always.
your kids adore you. I've never seen 4 children so dedicated to their mother. dad would see you every day, sometimes twice especially at the end. dad was joking that near the end, grandpa was probably smoking a cigarette saying "Hurry the hell up, Irene. I've been waiting" haha. it's just the nature of your relationship. you didn't wait long though. about 6 months physically apart and your spirits were reunited. dad said it best, you [two] are more alive now than you've ever been. I'm happy for you. i know it's the cycle of life, but i wanted you to know i miss you. we miss you.
the day we said our goodbyes i couldn't have been prouder of our family. sharing food and listening to tunes that were on at Heuwerth only seemed appropriate. i know you were there. i know you had a hand in that. i hope we made you proud, thank you for teaching us the importance of family first.
keep your ears open when I'm in the kitchen. i might want your advice.
there are moments when it hits you out of no where.
my grandma has been gone 3 months and my grandpa about 9. it's not that i selfishly want them here anymore as they lived long, good lives and are ridiculously happy now, but it's bizarre that they are physically gone.
i haven't been able to sit down and write about grandma. i really haven't had the time to dedicate, but i think of her often. she and grandpa's items in our house give me peace. every day i get to see her china cabinet in our dining room. while it's not filled with her grandmotherly nick-nacks, it is very purposeful in our house and i think of her every time i see it. and as weird as it sounds, some days i'm in disbelief it's in our house. like, "wait a minute, what is this doing here? this is supposed to be in grandma's house...."
grandma is the epitome of a heart of gold. there was no stopping her going straight to heaven to pure bliss. grandma is the warmest, most loving, pure person. her name means little angel and true to her 4 foot stature, that's exactly what she is: a little angel. our little angel.
the perfect matriarch for our family.
she keeps everyone's secrets.
she has joy for your joys.
she worries for your sorrows.
she is a mini, mighty minniti!
she knows when to keep quiet even if she held a grudge (and there were only a few).
she is still my listener.
she is an opera singer. ave maria was her song. i know it's grandma singing in her wind chimes now hanging on my porch.
she adored her children and her family; everyone was welcome in their house, holidays and all.
she would sing in Italian to all the great granddaughters and she would light up when the little ones were around. she was the best cook in the land. no seriously, i mean it. i can still smell and if i think hard enough, taste her food. all i wanted when i came home from living in new york city was grandma minniti's rotini and meatballs. there was one year where i'd eat with both of them once a week on my way to class. (dinner at 4:30 p.m. of course ha!). what i would give to sit down for a meal with these 2.
there are moments when i still can't get the picture of my grandma in the coffin out of my head. i picture her perfectly coordinated outfit (by my uncle) and her broaches and matching earrings. i know her body is just he shell to her soul, but there are still moments i want to hug her and hold her hand, coffin or not. she adored her children and her family; everyone was welcome in their house, holidays and all.
she would sing in Italian to all the great granddaughters and she would light up when the little ones were around. she was the best cook in the land. no seriously, i mean it. i can still smell and if i think hard enough, taste her food. all i wanted when i came home from living in new york city was grandma minniti's rotini and meatballs. there was one year where i'd eat with both of them once a week on my way to class. (dinner at 4:30 p.m. of course ha!). what i would give to sit down for a meal with these 2.
it's peaceful knowing she's done here. done with hurting physically and missing grandpa, but there's still a fresh piece of hollowness in me when i think about her physical absence. i love looking at her pictures and knowing that i will have keepsakes here with me in the house, but they both are gone. that's what's so hard for me to grasp. it was so fast. i even wanted them to go (for their own peace).
she was the epitome of inclusive. everyone was welcome and as my cousin said "their tiny basement had expandable walls" at the holidays. it will always be "grandma's house". the house with the paneled basement, grandpa at the head of the table calling out our names to come receive our Christmas money envelopes and sipping scotch on the rocks. grandma in and out of the kitchen until she handed that over to her youngest son, al. she'd have a feast for more than were there.
she would light a candle for us at church and tell us that she prays for us. we'd always leave her house with her telling us to "be careful." i take it now as 'be full of care' - that's what grandma did. her open heart and arms cared for all. she did this at an early age as she would tuck aunt toni into bed at the convent where they were raised for a large portion of their early childhood.
she crushed on grandpa. they bickered like old married folk do, but she adored him. she adored him so much she didn't want to live without him. i can picture her joking to my sister and me under her breath about how grandpa is a hunk. i adore the picture of grandpa smiling a smitten smile and grandma looking up at him out of the corner of her eyes.
stella has a love for Christmas and nick-nacks. both of which grandma enjoyed to a high degree. when going to grandma's house (or Nana for stella), stella could look and play with all of her nick nacks the entire time. she has an angel now and it's named cherubina. I've decided to carry on grandma's tradition of her good night: "good night don't let the bed bugs bite if they do get your shoe and beat them black and blue. Dream of the angels." she'd tell us before tucking us into bed.
my sister and i would have sleep overs at grandma and grandpa's. we'd stay the night watching Nickelodeon's 'you can't do that on television' (what a treat - we didn't have cable) and play hang man with grandma. and of course end the night with a ding dong hostess treat, my favorite. in the morning we'd have mini cereal boxes to choose from (all of which weren't healthy for us). we'd go to church at sacred heart and then to brunch at Dante's. just little memories i think more about now than i did when she was living.
i wore proudly the shirt saying "If Mommy says no ask Grandma"
that's just grandma. we were good kids, but she took her spoiling job seriously. she was just sweet. there wasn't a person that disliked "Irene" as she was called. it was hard to find a person she didn't like either. grandma might have held a grudge, but only if you dissed her family in some fashion. better stay on her good side. family was always first. always.
your kids adore you. I've never seen 4 children so dedicated to their mother. dad would see you every day, sometimes twice especially at the end. dad was joking that near the end, grandpa was probably smoking a cigarette saying "Hurry the hell up, Irene. I've been waiting" haha. it's just the nature of your relationship. you didn't wait long though. about 6 months physically apart and your spirits were reunited. dad said it best, you [two] are more alive now than you've ever been. I'm happy for you. i know it's the cycle of life, but i wanted you to know i miss you. we miss you.
the day we said our goodbyes i couldn't have been prouder of our family. sharing food and listening to tunes that were on at Heuwerth only seemed appropriate. i know you were there. i know you had a hand in that. i hope we made you proud, thank you for teaching us the importance of family first.
keep your ears open when I'm in the kitchen. i might want your advice.
Comments