over and over again, this theme rolls onward in my life right now. i feel aligned, mostly positive, gracious and overall pretty happy. there's been multiple times i wanted to sit and write this piece, but then there's this part of me that says "but what if things didn't work out as you said?" "what if you go broke?" "people will think you are tooting your own horn..." but, honestly why do i care? this is me and if people get something from it, great. if not, also, great. same reason for me not going to use capital letters here... because i don't feel like it. like it or don't. negative self talk is so self deprecating. we wouldn't let someone talk to us like that, but we let ourselves talk us out of EVERYTHING! this is a little tale and peek into our life. over a year ago john left his comfortable job with good benefits (no, really the best benefits there are, kind of benefits). he could do this job with his eyes closed,...
One year. There's still a side that does not want to give the past year my time, but truth is it does indeed warrant the reflection. It flew us into chaos and back, upside down and completely steady again. And it continues to do so. It was Thursday the 12th (2020). Everyone was acting quickly, chaotically and given the immensity of the circumstances, I believe irrationally. In the digitized age we live, it's easy to breathe the hype and addiction to the flooding of information and if your inner core is in fact feeling unsafe, judgement, or fear then I can assure you it won't be a completely rational decision. Go ahead and disagree with me, but in my reality and words, it's how the world has been functioning online for about a decade; hear something, internalize, react, repeat... boom boom boom. Thankfully after this year I do believe the amount of people that can sit with something has increased. Are you one of them? I resent the phrase "the day the world stopped....
That night I watched the innocence both fade and transmute. As life goes it didn't go as I expected or dare I say "planned." I knew we were close to the end of an era; that Santa / gifts under the tree gasp era. My secret goal was to make it through this Christmas. A couple weeks ago we did the rounds of our neighborhood for a "Christmas walk" aka walking around looking at the lights. When we got home, Ana poured herself a glass of oat milk and asked "Does Santa put the gifts under the tree or is it the parents?" Shock and "not now" filled my body as I hung up my hat and coat in the mud room. "What made you think of that?" I asked. "I was just thinking about the milk and it made me think of it." "Hmmmmm" I posed the old "what do you think" back at her feeling like this is not the right time and clinging to my own wants for what Christmas should look like. I wasn't ready to answer, I needed to thi...
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