what momma writes

not exactly how i should label a post, but sort of how i feel... while meeting with my midwife i was mentioning a few things about this pregnancy and she suggested that i keep a baby journal.  "Doh!" i thought as if it wasn't already on my radar.   you see, it's not that i haven't wanted to write to this child, it's that finding the time and energy to write things is just more tiring since it's not just work, work out, do what i want sorta schedule like it was to some degree with stella. also, sorry mister second child, but i wasn't feeling the urge to document things like i did the first time around.  i did start a letter to egg noddle sandwich, but it was kind of more of a mean note to him telling him how i'm tired of him making me feel like poop. how's that for mother of the year? already telling the poor child they are annoying me and haven't physically met yet. so because i respect my midwife and because i want to have somethi...

if you've seen me in the past 3 weeks you probably could have guessed i'm growing a human since i popped the moment the pee hit the stick. so it's only like, i think 9-10ish weeks (i keep losing track already) and already this pregnancy has been different from day one. i pretty much just told people when i saw them after like 8 weeks so finally getting to make it all official and yadda. i would have texted or emailed friends more, but honestly looking at my iphone or computer made me ill. so when i didn't have to do anything i didn't. as much as i know every pregnancy is different and kept thinking i got this, i know what to expect because i've been down that road. well, yes. but, false. with stella i knew so early, there was no question i had symptoms at 4 weeks and i pretty much knew at conception. this guy, not really much going on early on, but i missed my period around when it was supposed to come so it was a morning pee win for the + sign. nifty!  i...

yes i'm still counting in months... stella, you are a little human. there are so many big changes lately i can't even keep up. we started to train you on the potty in a really relaxed way. you started showing interest again and then went a couple of times. i gave you a "treat" afterwards until i ran out of muffins, cupcakes, ice cream etc. I had to scour the house for "bad" food and then finally went to mnm's in case this potty thing is sticking. you are slowly making progress, but progress is progress. still a little freaked out about pooping. you got a new RX for your glasses at the beginning of august and it seems to be doing great! you are such a pro at all your eye dr. visits. we started tinkering with vision therapy and going to try to integrate little things into your day, but overall you the activities are a little young. your sleeping. hmmmmm. i can't say you are consistent, but there is progress. more often then not you are sleepin...

here it is. i really don't like summer all that much and people think i'm nuts. like any season there are things i do like. for example: summer work hours. the occasional dip in a pool. really intense lightning and thunder storms. parks and iced coffees. but overall i could live my life happily in the 70s. summer to me is kind of a bust and here's why........ i don't tan. i don't even want to tan anymore. i'm passed the point in my life where i'm going to seek out a tan whether it be by a cancer bed, a spray that comes off on my clothes or trying to get the perfect sunkist look from applying only a portion of sunscreen. nope. i embrace my whiteness. there is nothing i can do about it except keep it white. if i'm going to be white or red i'm choosing white and that is that. if i'm going to have to lather up my daughter who is fairer than i than i might as well douse myself in the sunscreen as well and set the standard. if she is going ...

death and grief are just weird, but at the same time oh so natural. there are moments when it hits you out of no where. my grandma has been gone 3 months and my grandpa about 9. it's not that i selfishly want them here anymore as they lived long, good lives and are ridiculously happy now, but it's bizarre that they are physically gone. i haven't been able to sit down and write about grandma. i really haven't had the time to dedicate, but i think of her often. she and grandpa's items in our house give me peace. every day i get to see her china cabinet in our dining room. while it's not filled with her grandmotherly nick-nacks, it is very purposeful in our house and i think of her every time i see it. and as weird as it sounds, some days i'm in disbelief it's in our house. like, "wait a minute, what is this doing here? this is supposed to be in grandma's house...." grandma is the epitome of a heart of gold. there was no stopping her goi...

stopped what you ask? nursing. i nursed my daughter until she was about 28 months. no, not a typo. if i could, i would insert the following emoticons because I know that's what the majority of you are thinking. scoffing, judging, disgusted and appalled looks, and the look of disbelief.  I know the look because i've witnessed it. people don't mean to, but it's obvious.  to be fair, i had some pre-judgments of nursing in general. BEFORE i nursed. i just thought "oh you stop and then you are done." or "don't you want your body back?" the thing is your boobs aren't just done over night. and sometimes your babe isn't either. and honestly it's not inconvenient after a certain age because your supply tapers to the child so wanting your body back really can vary per mother. never in a million years did i think i would have nursed passed 12 months, then 15, then 18. then i just stopped counting because it was what it was. i didn'...

I accidentally deleted all my notes on what you were up to in the last couple months. damn icloud on the damn iphone. I love technology, but leave it to me to figure out a way to botch it up. #annoyed if you care to read how my 2.5 year old is probably very similar to other 2.5 year olds, then read on... oh my dear, here's another update. maybe you'll care someday ha?! overall, you just seem so grown up; looks, speech and activity. i know, 2.5 it's not that old, but seriously it's like developmentally something happened and you became a more independent little being.  Stella Says: "there. that's better." you say proudly after turning up the music or doing something you deem improved! "good job singing, stella!" as you run in the room to tell me you've congratulated yourself on your singing or "good painting, stella luna!" "gramma gave me that." or "dalia gave it to me." when referring to one of...